On The Right Path

I've been attending a small home group through my church, Journey Community Church, for about four weeks now. I started this group in an effort to become more connected to members of this church because I have been attending Journey for about four and half years now and know few people. What sparked my interest in this particular group is that they were doing a study on Bill Hybel's book and study guide, "The Power of a Whisper". The sub-title of it is "Having the Guts to Respond." For the past nine years since I had to stop working as a computer programmer I have been trying to figure out what it is that I really want to do when I grow up.

In addition, since I got laid off from the laboratory job in 2009, I have been searching for what my true heart's desire really is in the way of a career or employment. I tried pursing a career in biology, and thus the laboratory job, but my math deficit was a huge barrier to progressing as rapidly as I wanted or needed based on my age. In addition, I really hate math so why would I pursue a career where I had to frequently rely on math skills to do the job properly? No, that career path was more about impressing others with my oft-longed for respect from others for my intelligence. I guess since I always felt that the people in my life didn't think I was intelligent, I wanted to prove that I really was.

What I have discovered is that the problem is not whether I was intelligent or not it is that I had a pride and arrogance problem. The over-the-top arrogance of the scientists at the laboratory job showed me what arrogance and pride is in it's extreme form. It also showed me how I was also prideful and arrogant. I learned a lot about myself and saw how some of my words and actions were not only arrogant but disrespectful, as well.

The point I'm trying to make is that God had to break me down so He could build me up. He had to expose the parts of my personality that were preventing me from obtaining the very things I was striving for. In the years since I was laid off from the laboratory job, (two years, seven months now), I have been diligently seeking God on what I'm really supposed to do with my life. I've asked him to break my heart for what breaks His. The cool thing is that this small group was all about listening to the whisper of God and stepping out to do His will for my life. It was a four week study, one of which I missed because of the wedding in Knoxville, Tennessee. We watched a DVD of Bill Hybel explaining his path of listening to the whisper of God. Then the study guide would ask leading questions to get us to not only listen to the whisper, but to act upon the whispers.

One of the questions was "What reality about our world at large troubles you most these days?" This was a question posed to the group before we watched the fourth session on the DVD. What immediately came to my mind was the abuse and neglect of children, animals, and other individuals without power of their own, like disabled people and elderly people. When the DVD was played and we watched Bill Hybel speak about his own journey of listing to God, he spoke out on helping children and racial reconciliation. It was confirmation for me that I'm on the right path, I've listened to the right voice and God is leading me in the direction He wants me to go.

While He hasn't completely laid out the path and plan He has for me, I am comforted in knowing that I'm on the right path, that my philosophy of putting one foot in front of the other until God shows otherwise, is exactly where God wants me. I also heard Him whisper that my fervent prayers about how I can help these troubled people will be through the healing process, of which I plan on pursuing a career in, dance therapy. Dance therapy was the career I was going to school for in 1979 at Point Park College in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. At the end of the spring semester in 1979 I had changed my major from dance to psychology. A psychology professor had told me about this "new" field and I thought it was a perfect match for my love of dance and my interest in psychology. I went home after the semester ended and within a month or so I was pregnant with my daughter. So, that career path stalled until my daughter was successfully raised and I had the maturity to deal with difficult emotional and physical issues. The truth is that God needed to do some serious house cleaning in my psyche before I could be any way ready to tackle this challenging new field. Today there is the American Dance Therapy Association and an educational plan to work towards.

So, it's taken me about thirty-one years to get to the point where I can heal enough to actually look at my issues and admit some responsibility for my attitude. I'm encouraged today knowing that I am moving in the right direction and that I am on the right path. The path that God has ordained for me, and trust in Him to let the pieces fall into place and just be open to His healing touch. I serve a Mighty God and trust Him to redeem my life out of the shambles I have made of it in the past thirty-one years.

Praise the Lord!