Changing My View of the Ocean

Well, I kept my senses open and this is what the Lord revealed to me: Be creative. Expand your mind when thinking about a way to support yourself.  Be true to who you are.  Do what makes you happy.  Break the mold on what an income looks like.  Simplify your life.

It has now been 20 months since I got laid off from the biotech firm.  The best employment offers I've had have been two separate temporary jobs lasting two weeks each.  I have embraced the idea of selling everything I own and getting rid of my STUFF.  The only thing I don't want to part with is my bed and my car. Everything else can go- save the electronics.  I'm sure at some point the cable television will go by the wayside of a faster smokin' laptop that I can plug a flat screen monitor into.  And Yes, I am going to short sale sell the condo.  Unless I win the Lotto or PCH, I'm not going to be able to put new kitchen cabinets in for quite some time and I just can't stand the bugs anymore.  I now affectionately refer to my condo as The Roach Hotel.  I thought painting would do the trick but it seems to have made it worse somehow.  Ugh!!

So, this epiphany finally seared open my soul last weekend.  Seriously, I had a religious experience!  When I couldn't sleep one Saturday night, I was at the Spring Valley Swap Meet by eight o'clock am the next day. This is significant because I have not had a reason to be out of bed that early since my last job assignment in June.

As I look back at my last post I see that the Lord is finally answering my prayers about showing me the direction my life should take.  I became at peace with the notion of moving out of the condo and getting rid of all the problems and frustrations that have come with it.  Like closing my bank account after a disastrous year or so at a big bank, I have returned to the credit union I have been a member of for more than a decade and a half. I am also going back to my original God-inspired desire to not own property but to just have a good reliable, liveable car and rent as close to the beach as possible.  I believe he is leading towards Ocean Beach now.

Ocean Beach was in my mind like Pacific Beach once was.  For years, I was literally scared of going to Pacific Beach because for years I lived in North County - Oceanside, Rancho Bernardo, and other areas north of the 56.  When my employment took me to Pacific Beach every day - that was the biotech firm phase - I learned to respect and love Pacific Beach.  Well, since I now have a friend in Ocean Beach I have been spending more time there and have come to see it as not so scary anymore.

God really met me there today and showed me the beauty of this beach and really how quicker I could get to it from my condo - The Roach Hotel.  And I thought, I could live in Ocean Beach if I just take my time about it and don't move too fast.  That was my problem in getting the roach hotel.  I just didn't take my time and listen to the leading of the Spirit because I did hear from Him.  I just ignored Him.  However, it's all working out because I have lived for the past nine months without paying mortgage or rent.  So, it's working for me now because if I had been renting when I got laid off I probably would have been homeless by now or doing the roommate thing.

Of course, if I really listened to the Spirit before, I would have SAVED all the money I earned and subsequently spent on STUFF that I am now trying to sell.  I could go on and on about what I should have done, and the devil wants me to, but I'm not going there.  I'm choosing to just continue to worship God in my life by listening to His voice and his leadings and just enjoy Him.  This was confirmed at Friday night service at Journey tonight.  Just like the previous week's message was a confirmation of what I believe God is saying to me.  I'm putting on a new coat, the coat that God had me on the whole time.  So, it's really like I had another coat covering up the coat that God wants me to wear.  It was something I thought other people wanted to see me in.  Not my real coat, but a coat manufactured out of everyone else's idea of what I should do and who I really am.

He has always been with me and I have pushed him away many times. But not anymore. I SO love God.  I'm once again, for the millionth time, falling in love all over again...with Jesus.

Keep Your Senses Open

My message today, July 1, 2011, from God wants You to Know on Facebook says: 

On this day of your life, Patty, we believe God wants you to know ... that today is a big day for you.  Yes, today. Keep your eyes open for a message. It might come in a shape of a bird flying overhead, or a graffiti on a wall, or a phrase said by a passerby, or... Whatever shape it has, this message has been trying to reach you for years, and today is finally the day. Keep your senses open. 

I wonder how many other people had this same message? In any case, I've had my senses open for a while now and what I keep coming back to is writing  - for a living.  The problem is I haven't written anything outside of school assignments and work projects.  When Alfredo died I kept sensing that I should write a book about my life but have kept pushing that thought to the back of my head.  It's really the only thing that makes sense except I have no clue how to get started.  I feel like I could alternately fill volumes of books or simply have nothing to say.  But I should right?  I should just start writing.  I guess that's why I started this blog in the first place but the vulnerability of sharing my past with the entire internet world seems to stop me.

So I should write my complete "book" offline and just post blogs about my experience in writing about my life.  I'll let you know how it goes.