The Continuing Saga of Jabez, my boo

So, Jabez has stopped eating - again.  It's been almost two hours since I got up and all he has done is drink a bunch of water.  Instead of forcing two pills down his throat, I decided to crush them up, add a little water and fill a syringe with the mixture and squirt it in his mouth.  Well, he doesn't like that any better but at least I don't have to struggle to keep his mouth closed and at the same time stroke his throat to get him to swallow.  He's such a big cat and it's really difficult for me with my carpal tunnel syndrome and the pinched nerve problem I have with my neck.  I got the job done but he has absolutely no interest in food.  He has just been looking out the window and now that I'm on the computer he is laying about 2 feet away from where I sit.  

Yesterday, I broke down a couple of boxes that the food and the syringes came in, and put them down on the floor, because I know he likes to lay on cardboard and papers.  So, he is laying on top of those sleeping at the moment.  The vet wanted me to measure his respiration so, yesterday, it was 48 when he was awake and about 32 when he is sleeping, and that's pretty much what it is today.  Normal respiration for a cat is 24-40, so it's a little elevated when he's awake.  Forty-eight was what it was in the ER and that's why they want me to monitor it.

I tried calling a pet sitter to get the Christmas holiday set up so I could go spend some time with my daughter and her family.  One sitter was already booked and the other hasn't returned my call as yet.  It'll cost me a couple of hundred of dollars to pay the pet sitter and I wonder if he'll make it until then.  He probably will because I'm taking such good care of him.  I tested his blood sugar and it's 384, which is high, so at least he is not going into diabetic shock, which is what happens when your blood sugar is too low.  

There is a condition called "ketoacidosis" which is what happens when your blood sugar is too high.  This can also cause a diabetic coma but is usually referred to as a ketoacidosis coma.  Left untreated, ketoacidosis is fatal.  So, I'm back to questioning Jabez's quality of life.  If he won't eat and I can't give him his regular dose of insulin ketones may stay in his blood and cause ketoacidosis.  If I give him too much insulin, like giving him his regular dose of insulin, I could cause the same thing that happened back on 2007, which nearly killed him. 

He had been not eating, much like he is now, but I was continuing to give him his regular dose of insulin, and this went on for two or three days.  So, one day when I came home from work (yes, I actually had a job then), I found him basically comatose on my kitchen floor.  He was vocalizing, which sounded like screeching, when I pulled up in the driveway and I could hear it and wondered what the sound was.  So, I found him nearly dead on my kitchen floor and picked him up (he was very cold) and he seemed to rouse a little, and put him in his carrier and hustled him off the to ER.  They saved his life and I purchased the glucometer at that time.

So, having been through all that I am really careful not to overdose his insulin injections.  I don't check his blood sugar daily because I hate it as much as he does, except he is the one who is getting stuck with the lancet.  Plus, sometimes I am unsuccessful at getting enough of a blood droplet to form so I can test it.  This really pisses him off and if I try to poke him again he is SO done with me that he usually really fights me if I don't get it   the second time.  So, I never poke him more than twice, therefore, sometimes I am unable to test his sugar levels.  Today, however, I was successful and got the aforementioned reading of 384.

He is basically exhibiting all the signs and symptoms of ketoacidosis, drinking lots of water, urinating a lot, lethargic and I believe his stomach does hurt him based on the way he lays down.  So... I'm back to the question of euthanasia.

Please pray...

Jabez, my boo. Part 3

So, I guess that idea I had was from God because I got a can of the wet MD diabetic cat food that he used to love and he ate!  I just put a little bit in his bowl and he was very interested and actually ate most of it, so I gave him a little bit more and he "ate" it.  He's still really not eating but just licking all the juice off of it but that is still more than he has done in the past two days.

So, I might go back tomorrow and get a few more cans if he continues to eat it.  I didn't want to buy a lot of it in case he refused it and I'm not adverse to going back to the vet to get more.  It's just a shame I can't get it at a regular supermarket.  Oh well, for now, I'm happy and he is now sleeping a few feet away from me.

Praise the Lord!

Jabez, my boo. Part 2

Ok, so I've taken my cat to the ER twice in the past week and can only get a vague idea of what is going on with him.  He absolutely refuses to eat.  This is not good for a diabetic, kitty, or human.  I thought for sure I was going to have to put him to sleep last night but when we got to the ER he rallied around and started acting like his normal sweet self.   All they can offer is nausea medicine and an appetite stimulant.  And of course more diagnostic tests.  Ten years ago when I was making mucho dinero I would have gone ahead and let them run all the tests they needed to get at the problem.  Now?   I'm not making that kind of money anymore and what's more, the money I am getting is not permanent and can be stopped at any time by the work comp insurance.  Anyway....

So, today he is just laying at my feet as I sit here without anything to eat or drink.  I got an idea when I woke up this morning to get him some of that wet food that I used to feed him for diabetics.  He loved that stuff and got up to 30lbs when I was feeding him that.  So, I thought I'd go to the vet and get a can of that and see if he'll eat that.  I'm not sure what the next few days will reveal for this kitty who is diabetic and won't eat.  I just couldn't make the decision last night to euthanize.  Especially since he started acting like his normal self in the ER.

So, here we are again.  Please pray for this situation.  I really don't want to euthanize him.  I just want the Lord to take him without my help.  It's so hard.  This kitty has been a part of my life for the past 12 years and has provided so much companionship that I have come to love and depend on.  Shouldn't that make God want to take him?  I mean, it seems like God takes away things from me that I love and depend on, so it makes logical sense to me that He will take Jabez away too.

Our God is a jealous God and He doesn't want anything between Him and me.  I wonder if that includes school?  I can't seem to start studying for the finals coming up next week.  Like here I am writing this blog instead of studying......

Pray for me and my boo.

Jabez, my boo

So, I finally took my kitty into the ER and found out that not only does he have diabetes, but he now has cataracts, gall stones and heart disease.  The vet said that with medication he could probably live like another year or so.  I was struggling with the idea of putting him to sleep and they offered to do it right there and then but I just couldn't do it.  He has been such a great little companion to me the past 12 years and the idea of just ending his life like that, so suddenly, seems really callous and ... fast.

So, I brought him home and have been giving him lots of love and pandering to his constant begging for food.  The thing is he is not really eating his food, he is just licking the gravy off the top and then sitting at the refrigerator door looking soulfully up at me.  Since he is a type 1 diabetic, for him to not eat is not good, so I have been opening the same number of cans of cat food daily but he is only eating a fraction of the food and just licking the gravy off the top.  I've had to cut his insulin dosage down because I almost killed him a few years ago when he stopped eating, like he is now, but kept giving him his usual dosage of insulin.  I came home from work one day to find him basically comatose on my kitchen floor.  I rushed him to the hospital and some thousand dollars later he recovered.  That's when I decided to buy him the glucometer.  Yeah, they have one for cats and dogs.  It's called an Alphatrak and works pretty good but considering his size, and my negatively correlated size (I'm a small person), it just isn't practical to poke him once a day to test his blood sugar.  So, based on the vet's recommendations, I am to give him only 2 units of insulin if he eats less than half his food.

He's lost a lot of weight and I can feel his back bones which had previously been covered with a layer of fat.  I just hope the good Lord takes him home (where ever kitty home is) and I don't have to actually put him to sleep.  I think I might have nightmares about that.  Especially, since my mother had a not so pleasant experience putting her cat down.  I couldn't even listen to her tell me about it because it freaked me out so much. 

Ah well, such is trials and tribulations of having pets, I guess.  Every day I leave and come home I'm half expecting him to be ... not with us anymore.  But so far he is hanging in there. 

Post Thanksgiving 2012

I just came back from a three day sleepover at my daughter's house in Perris, California.  It was an extended Thanksgiving Day dinner party.  Then, I came back to my sick cat.  He has been throwing up for a sold week now.  He constantly sits at his bowl and cries for more food yet his bowl is full of food.  He just licks the wet food until it's basically dry and drinks water.  I think he needs to have another ultrasound of his tummy.  His digestive system is ... well, something is wrong with it.

So, I wanted to know if he was continuing to throw up because I could have taken him to the vet on Friday.  But PetPals text-ed me that he ate and was a "happy guy" with "no barf."  So, I thought cool.  Then Saturday morning  I couldn't get the company to text me back about how Jabez was doing and so I hung out with my daughter and her family.  I had a great time but I had forgotten all my medicine at home.  So, no thyroid pill, no antidepressants, no anti-inflammatory or pain pill.  I felt all out of sorts and nervous.  I knew part of it, if not all, was due to my sudden stoppage of the ADs.  You're not supposed to cold turkey the anti-depressant medication.  There are side effects with sudden withdrawal and I didn't know if I was having that or something was really wrong back at home with Jabez.

Turns out, the big guy is still having problems.  He  may not have thrown up in the living room, dining room or kitchen, but he puked all over his bed in the office.  Plus, he puked at least once in the hall and three times in my bedroom.  He keeps getting on my lap, which has gotten considerably smaller of late, and he's kind of overwhelming.  If I'm sitting on the couch, he wants to be in my lap.

 So, NOW, it's 11:00 pm on Saturday night I know that what he needs, or rather what the vet will say, he needs an ultrasound of his tummy.  I can tell his stomach hurts him.

If it's his time to go then I will be very sad and dread making the decision to put him down or have surgery done.  I should have had that tumor removed way back in 2010 but I didn't have the money back then.  I think it's invaded his digestive tract.  So, maybe I need to stop thinking about putting him down and just pay whatever the surgery costs, or at least negotiate the cost.

We've gt a 24-hour veterinary hospital in San Diego.  I called and they are really busy right now so let's see how we make it through the night.  Poor baby.

Better to wait til morning at home instead of in a cold hospital ER.   I don't want him to suffer any more but I'm pretty wasted right now after the long drive and running around with my grand-kids for the past 3 days.  I did all the laundry after I got home, including his bedding, and everything he has thrown up on in the past week.

I think I need to get some sleep and call it a day. My bed is calling me now.

Good night.

~godstrongpatty

Thanksgiving 2012

I decided to switch purses for Thanksgiving.  It’s part of my “outfit”.  It’s funny that I automatically think of what I’m going to wear whenever I know I’m going somewhere.  Anyway… I found my old cell phone case and it is PERFECT for my new iPhone.  It’s got an outside ID holder for my bus pass, and slots  for credit cards and a little pouch where I can put my stamps and coins.  It goes with the purse because it’s orange and my purse is a darker orange, like a pumpkin color. 

I’m so happy because the little case I bought (from Korea!) didn’t have enough space for all my  IDs, credit cards and bus pass.  I’m just bummed that I forgot about the orange cell phone purse I have had for  at least ten years and bought the case from Korea.  I'm not sure what it will cost to return it but really not sure if it's worth the bother.  It was less than $20.

So… I didn’t start this piece with the intention of talking about my silly little purse.  The point is that I found something, well, a lot of things, while I was switching from one purse to another.  I found this little paper that had all these, basically, negative affirmations, but titled “False Beliefs.”

I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself (the Performance Trap).

I must be approved by certain others to feel good about myself (Approval Addict)

Those who fall (including myself) are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished.  (Blame Game)

I am what I am I cannot change. I am hopeless. (Shame)

And I thought, “What?” Why was I carrying around these negative phrases?  Then I  turned the card over.  There were positive affirmations on the other side.  So, the point of all this is that if I fill my mind with the positive instead of the negative,  my thought life will be much more peaceful.  Maybe this way I can show the love of God to everyone instead of the uptight, neurotic mess I usually am.

So those “false beliefs” become:

I am therefore completely forgiven by and fully pleasing to the Father.  I no longer have to be perfect.  Romans 5:1

I am totally accepted by God.  I no longer have to fear rejection.  Colossians 1:21-22

I am deeply loved by God.  I no longer have to fear punishment or punish others.

1 John 4:9-11

I am a new creation in Christ.  I have been made brand-new and complete in Him and no longer need to experience the pain of shame.  John 3:3-6

Today. I am thankful for my loving, heavenly Father who watches over me and holds me, with all my issues and shortcomings, in His holy hands. 

Praise the Lord!

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